There's not one only person in this world that do not suffer or has suffered from limiting beliefs. We all have beliefs. Some help us, some makes us suffer. Some, we are totally aware of, others, we don't even suspect their existence. So how can we increase our self-awareness?
Culture, family, education, genetic memory or just our life's experiences lead us into acquiring certain beliefs that stay with us for a period or, sometimes, during all our lifetimes. And then, we pass them into our children. And our children to their children. This becomes a never ending cycle that affects your life without you even realising it!
One day you wake-up and think: How come I feel like this? I don't understand where all this comes from, it just doesn't make any sense. Why is the same thing happening to me, over and over again?! You may feel like screaaaaming, be mad, be tired of it all, but one thing is certain: You have to do something about it! You have to find a solution for that problem. Does this seem familiar to you? It does to me!
Whenever that happens, what you maybe don't realise is that, most probably, there's an hidden belief controlling your life... without your conscious knowledge...
One day, many years ago, I was meditating on my love relationships with men. There was a recurrent pattern, something that bothered me. Sometimes I acted in a way that made me feel a stranger to myself. Suddenly I would feel like I was someone else and my decisions and actions were no longer mine. And I didn't get why I acted in that way within my love relationships. I would become passive, submissive, absent. This was strange because, although I'm a peaceful, calm person I'm also a woman with a strong character and very firm life values. I always felt and believed to be equal to men so why did I end up behaving in that way? This made no sense and was a problem to me at that time. It was causing me a lot of emotional pain and not helping my love relationships. I HAD to do something! When contemplating it all, it came to my mind that in this life, there's so much more that what just meets the eye! I had to understand it, so I started digging into it, I needed to get to the bottom of this issue.
First, I analysed my love life, the people I had been with, their personalities and the basic nature of our relationships. There was nothing there for I had been mostly with kind, respectful people, that treated me very well. Then I moved back to my childhood, could there be something? There was definitely something there. My father was a very conservative men, the kind that believe that the “man” is the one that “leads the way” and that women are not to be taken that much into account. His beliefs and my beliefs always clashed big time and were the reason for a very difficult relationship up until a few years before his death. But this was not IT. I had always faced my father, even when facing the prospect of being harshly punished.
So could it be that this was something coming from an even more remote time? I started analysing the Women in my family. I still could not make clear sense of it. My Mom, Aunts, Grandmothers, they all seemed to be not that submissive to men, but what did I know about the nature of their intimate relationships? Nothing. Then some events in my family showed me that that submissive nature was in some ways present in the women of the family. I understood that maybe they were also not so much aware of it. This lead me to think about the rest of my ancestors.
Maybe all the women in my family had this issue, but that knowledge was truly beyond my reach. That was the moment when I started thinking about genetic memory.
It all started to make some sense. Could it be possible that the experiences of my ancestors, that the History of all Women was really engraved in my body and soul? Everything inside of me was shouting a big YES! This answer resonated profoundly inside me. I felt the truth of it. This was my answer. I did feel the pain of the experiences of Women as Women, throughout History. That History justifies, by itself, the need to be submissive. That has always been a surviving tool for Women. Something that was not really needed within my personal life and experience, but that was anyway engraved in me, making me act like someone else.
2 Steps to Uncover your hidden beliefs
So how can you uncover your hidden limiting beliefs? I know that observation and investigation sooner or later lead to an effective answer. Through that answer you'll be conscious of what affects your life. You will then be able to find ways to resolve/overcome what is bothering you, completing the cycle. These are the first 2 steps within the whole process to overcome limiting beliefs (I'll soon post another article on easy tools to overcome limiting beliefs):
Observe your life: Look for a recurrent painful pattern that you cannot get rid of. It may be anything that repeatedly occurs to you and limits your well-being, sense of worth and happiness. (failed relationships, attracting undesired events or people, never succeeding in whatever you desire, etc);
Investigate that pattern, in depth. Ask yourself:
How many times did that occurred to you?
For how many years has that been bothering you?
How does that make you feel?
Where there any other person involved in it?
How where those people involved?
Is any of those people the cause of your recurring pattern?
Where could it come from?
Allow any possibility to emerge.
Keep on investigating until you get to the answer.
Remember, during this process, you may find several different possible explanations for what you are living. The right answer will be only the one that deeply resonates inside of you, the one that you KNOW in your heart to be the real one.
During this process don't let yourself be dragged by drama, self-pity or the need to blame because it will take the focus away. Try to be as impartial as you can, like if you were conducting a scientific experience. Witnessing your experiences, analysing them so you can reach a conclusion. Understanding where your hidden belief comes from is the first step to SOLVING it.
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Have a nice day and be happy! :)